SLicE oF LiFe

2006-12-27T22:44:00.000+08:00

i am lazy. that's why.

2006-11-05T21:54:00.000+08:00

Remember, remember, the fifth of November.

Reyes almost lost his 2nd match, which would have meant elimination for him at the group stage. He's really toeing the line man. what happened to the picture perfect precision of his graceful play? what I saw were mere occasional flashes of his mastery..

Dad's gone to PNG for work. But fortunately this time it's only for a month. hopefully he'll be stayin in Spore for Xmas this year.

A new week awaits.

2006-10-31T22:26:00.000+08:00

When you browse through your alma mater's annual magazine (notice it's alma mater mag and not sch mag anymore), and you suddenly find your peers amongst the teachers' pages, instead of the class/student pages, you know time has really flown by..

World pool championship's coming... Nov 4.. the Philippines.. home of the magician and django.

2006-10-29T21:55:00.000+08:00

took tompok and putih to the vet on sat. consultation and a blood test, to determine their suitability for sterilization op. they're pretty healthy, save for their kidneys, which are slightly off the 'healthy range'. gotta put them on a lower salt diet, which is a challenge.

jus when i thought i had to cough up quite abit for this round of visits to the vet, there was an article on the sunday times today about a cat owner who was willing to fork out $20k for her cat. man.. im certainly not there, be it in the financial or the will department.

but well, a pet is still a responsibility, so there are some things u gotta do. and beyond that, a relationship is actually established between pet and owner. and this a reason why people keep and don't keep pets. in respect of the latter, when the pets die, emotions would definitely come into the picture.

i guess, be it in human relationships or owner-pet relationships, there will always be a certain amount of vulnerability and commitment involved. but these, inter alia, give such relationships value and worth =)

2006-10-08T00:19:00.000+08:00

Putih ('White')
Tompok ('patches')

as u can see, Putih's pic is relatively more glam than Tompok's. Reason being, when Tompok is not sleeping, she's runs ard all the time. hard to get a shot when she's not sleeping..

2006-09-27T22:23:00.000+08:00

my 1st post in ages (well, the one immediately below this post was by del =))

lest this page degenerates into a wasteland. no it shan't!

no one said this phase of life was gonna be easy. it ain't. yet, sometimes you just need to steal those precious moments to keep your head in check, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and boy o boy, just appreciate the life God has given you.

imf/world bank meetings just ended. a great experience. hours were long. some tough situations had to be ploughed through. but thank God, i made it. and in retrospect, it was an unforgettable experience. literally, once in a lifetime. doubt it'll ever happen in spore again.

will be posting pics soon.

wine at friends' with dad.

del & me @ botanic gdns

2006-09-21T00:41:00.000+08:00

happy 15th month tootie!

-adel

2006-08-05T21:57:00.000+08:00

schizo. pls stop harrassing my mum. she's had enough. we've had enough.

Snapshots of UMAD 4

2006-06-21T13:46:00.000+08:00

Unforgettable moments of a camp that brought young hearts together, and made manifest the wonderful love that can only come from God.

2006-06-08T11:14:00.000+08:00

It is during moments of crisis that you will be able to see who really cares.

2006-05-10T12:38:00.000+08:00

thwart (thwôrt) tr.v., thwart·ed, thwart·ing, thwarts.

- To prevent the occurrence, realization, or attainment of: They thwarted her plans.

- To oppose and defeat the efforts, plans, or ambitions of.n. Nautical.

- A seat across a boat on which a rower may sit.adj.

- Extending, lying, or passing across; transverse.

- Eager to oppose, especially wrongly; perverse.

2006-05-08T10:19:00.000+08:00

Who defines the line between a tolerable and an intolerable blindspot?

2006-05-04T11:31:00.000+08:00

Golden taps, peanuts, minority candidate forms, lifts that stop on every floor, lawsuits, and the chance to move from marine parade to aljunied without actually moving house! =) (*woa*..)

I love Singapore!

2006-05-02T23:14:00.000+08:00

Haven't rode in almost a year. Would love to once, before I start working, coz I really won't know whether I would have the time to do so later on.

It's a great feeling to be riding over the water, wind in your face, slight adrenalin rush when u go over the wake. well, there's pain, especially when u end up doing a face plant on the water surface should you try to be too gung ho. but hey, no pain, no gain=)

2006-05-01T16:46:00.000+08:00

It is a paradox to observe wildlife in their natural habitat, because once you take a camera and a tripod and tread your footsteps onto the plains of a natural habitat, the habitat is no longer natural, by virtue of the fact that you are there. Your mere presence alters some of the natural elements that comprise a truly ‘natural habitat’, and that is enough to make it not natural. It simply means that you will never be able to observe the lions, the deer, the zebras, the elephants and what have you, in their ‘natural habitat’.

I ask, is this the case with people’s intentions? Are intentions never observable by others, because once you step into the room, and come face to face with an individual, the human tendency is to guard up the very core of one’s intentions.

Let us not be selective in our tolerance and forbearance of other’s weaknesses. If we say we want to accept people’s weaknesses, let this principle be exercised on everyone.

Who is a Singaporean

2006-04-24T19:01:00.000+08:00

After almost 2 months, I decided to visit the hairdresser. As always, I was reminded by the hairdresser of how one could 'never finish cutting my hair' =P

Anyhow, I picked up the New Paper that was on the small table in front of me, and amongst the usual reports which betray the New Paper's perpetual focus to juice up seemingly everyday (some not so everyday) situations, a report on a certain forum by Singaporeans at Brown University (Rhode Island) caught my attention. This forum was held at about the same time as the recent forum between MM Lee and a group of young Singaporeans who were justifiably, or unjustifiably, labelled 'english educated, radical and theatrical'.

While the local 'theatrical' forum focused on the local political scene, 10000miles away the Brown forum was about 'Who is a Singaporean?' (something like that) 'Simple lah. pink i/c (or 11b), contribute to CPF, like to eat char kway teow and chicken rice, kiasu....and so on lor' Beyond these, a Singaporean undergraduate at Brown remembers how he felt like he was in a 'difficult' position when a foreigner asked him about what Singapore was like, and what being Singaporean means.

The undergraduate's remarks fiercely reminded me of my own experience in Berkeley last year. When people asked me what was special about Singapore, I could confidently say that we were a clean and cosmopolitan city, very 'fine', and no chewing gum, so on and so forth. Yet, when the question became focused on what Singaporean culture was like, I honestly felt quite dumbfounded. uh.... multi-cultural, as what we've been brought up to think.

But what exactly does that culminate to?When I was in Berkeley, I stayed at I-House, where there were weekly 'coffee hours', giving each represented country the chance to host the coffee hour if they wanted to (the hostel was specially for international students). The coffee hour would then be themed along the particular country's culture. For instance, the Japanese hour would have green tea, sushi and a performance by girls dressed in kimonos. The Irish hour would have a whole scene of green, beer, irish coffee (duh) and the works. The list goes on.

Then when the suggestion that there be a Singaporean coffee hour came about, we were like, 'ok, we could make chicken rice and chai tao kway and so on (but even that was a challenge), but traditional costume? the kebaya worn by SIA girls? the guys le?....' Such are indications of how, at the root of things, there doesn't seem to be a strong unique Singaporean culture (or is there?), like how the Jews, the Japanese, the Koreans, the various European states have. And this could probably be why many young Singaporeans do not feel a strong sense of attachment to Singapore, some choosing to migrate at the end of the day.

The questions which arise could include: is this going to be a problem in the future? should this even be of concern?

Well, amidst this apparent lack of 'culture', one thing that Singaporeans could call their own is 'Singlish'. When I was in Berkeley, to distinctly hear Singlish amidst a crowd would imbue a sense of sheer familiarity and mutual relation. It's something which probably only Singaporeans can understand (maybe Malaysians also lah). When the group of us Singaporeans have good ol' familiar Singlish conversations in the dining hall at I-house, some of our friends from other countries couldn't believe we were speaking English.

Hence, when there were campaigns in recent memory to stump out Singlish and promote the speaking of proper English, does that effectively clamp down on one of the very few uniquely Singaporean cultural facets?

Well, for me, knowing that there is this lack of 'cultural rootedness' does not mean that I do not call Singapore home. I do, for reasons like because my family and friends are here. Because I cannot do without chai tow kuay and bar chor mee and teh ping. But if you take away all these, I wonder if I could still call Singapore home.

Maybe Singapore, being only 40 going on 41 years old, is still a young country by historical standards, and it would take decades or even centuries before there can be some kind of strong cultural root and heritage.

Maybe the lack of cultural rootedness in itself, is what makes Singapore unique.

Maybe, as the late S. Rajaratnam said, 'we are Singaporeans by choice', meaning that we choose to be rooted to Singapore, and in doing so, WE CREATE our own culture.

Nonetheless, as one of the professors at the Brown forum remarked: Singaporeans watch EPL, not S-league. Singaporeans watch Hollywood films, not so much local films. Schools teach Shakespeare for literature, not so much local literature. Will we be content with these instances as being part of what is Singaporean? or should we go beyond to create something uniquely our own?

the first time..

2006-04-20T23:10:00.000+08:00

At a recruitment talk I went to last month, I distinctly remember the very 1st question which the company representative posed to us: "When was your 1st time?"

Immediately came very typical Singaporean replies.

"huh?"

"first time wat?"

The purpose behind the question was to leave the '1st time' open ended, and to our hopefully limitless imaginations to reminisce on our own '1st times'.

The 1st time is usually an adventure. A new insight. Something refreshing. Uncertain. Forgivable. A stepping stone to widening one's horizons. An unforgettable experience.

Coming up, would be the..

1st time I enter the full time working world (3 july)

1st time I vote.

I would be grappling with the latter 1st. I should count myself fortunate to be able to vote for the 1st time at only 24. I bet many other Singaporeans didn't have that political privilege until they were much older.

I forsee polling day to be rather exciting. Can't be exactly sure about the actual intensity of the moment, but one thing's for sure, the pre-election period presents a cornucopia of spectacles that every Singaporean would be able to afford to catch. The very minimum required is 80cents a day to purchase the Straits Times to see all the buzz and the goodies being given out.

Well, one could say that this is to be expected in any country when elections are coming up. Fair enough. But I believe that every country's 'election spectacle' is unique to the characteristics, the culture, and the attitudes of the people and the government, and the Singapore 'pre-election setting' is very interesting to watch. at least for me. For a short moment, the newspapers were leaning towards the autobiographical genre.

Voting is a God-given right, and for a godly reason, at least in Lockean fashion. Our very being is God's property, and we have the responsibility of protecting and not desecrating it. To not vote when one has to is to be indifferent about the government that one is under. In doing so one relinquishes the responsibility of protecting God's property and handing it to the powers that be which one is unware or indifferent to. To vote is to take personal responsibility for showing confidence in the government who is able to govern the country in a way that individual lives are well taken care of, and thus, where God's property is well taken care of.

Then in voting, there's the issue of idealism vs 'bread and butter' issues. Which should Singaporeans strive for?

Although they aren't totally mutually exclusive, there is an undeniable substitution effect between the two. If Singaporeans can't even tahan waiting for the MRT for more than 20mins, I wonder if idealism is really what we all want.

Maybe, it's a case where the country has to be in a situation where there certainly is more idealism present, such as in more freedom of expression, more political choice, which would probably culminate in a slightly more 'chaotic' social climate. That would really put Singaporeans in a position where they could truly decide whether they want the freedom and the ensuing 'chaos', or whether they still want the MRT to run on time, but continue to see a political system that is uniquely Singapore since 1965.

We can't have our cake, and eat it at the same time. Of course, if it were possible, I'm sure the government would want to strive towards that. But is it?

2006-04-17T22:09:00.000+08:00

Had a ball of a time cooking with Del. Pasta is great. It doesn't just taste great. It's simple to prepare. For the amount of time you put in, you really get a helluva gd meal! Although I have to say because we didn't add salt and pepper, it was a tard too bland. But that's a learning point for more pasta adventures to come! =)

Well, on a not so positive note, of all the things in the world you could compare, I'd like to compare food and politics.

The food may look really good, until you really taste it for yourself to discover its true state.

The people may look nice and friendly, until you really delve into intricate relations with them to discover their true intentions and motivations.

Optimism in others is a strength that I've been most blessed to have, and I always thank God for enabling me to see even the tingiest of good in others, no matter how dire the real situation may be.

But when the light shines upon the dark in the hearts of sinful man, I am exposed to a side of the human psyche that I often find myself loathe towards. Yet, when all is laid out on the table for everyone to see, I cannot but bring myself to face up to the realities of a world which some say is doomed to damnation. I have to see life, and people, in a starkly different way. Not because I want to be this way, but because to do otherwise would be to deny the truth of what life really is, and consequently, to not do justice to my own conscience.

May we stand up for what is right.

2006-04-12T00:11:00.000+08:00

Attended the 28th Singapore lecture this evening.

The programme booklet read something like this:
5pm-6pm - arrival of guests
6pm-730pm - lecture by HRH the Crown Prince
730pm onwards - questions

The actual evening went something like this:
5pm-6pm - arrival of guests
620pm - Guest of Honour arrives. NOT.
630pm - Guest of Honour really arrives.
650pm - lecture ends
655pm onwards - caught in jam en route home.

no wonder it was free.

2006-04-01T12:29:00.000+08:00

it is finished.

my thesis i mean. i love the feeling of knowing i've reached the finish line for something, and i know i've finished well for myself, because i've definitely given it my best shot.

nonetheless, doing a first thesis teaches you more than just what you're writing about. I've learnt a few new things (new to me, at least) about microsoft word, like how to make section breaks, to adhere to the interestingly rigid regulation that the page numbers have to be all on the top right corner of the page, save the 1st page of each chapter, where the page nos. have to be at the bottom. I learnt all this the hard way, yes, staying up till 4am the night before D-day to reap the consequences of my utmost lack of computer-savviness. though i have to thank Del lots for stayin up with me to help me with the formatting. Thanks dear=)

everyone was saying to me how it must be such a big load of your shoulders. in a way, yes it was. but to harp on that statement would imply that i dread the prospect of doing a research paper, which isn't true.

in fact, this experience has given me a little more light on where my inclinations lie. i love working with economic ideas, and formulating it into a cohesive argument and model. i may not go into research now, but i definitely am considering this in the long haul.

man, i killed alot of trees yesterday. what with printing at least 4 sets of my thesis, excluding the little changes here n there which i have to laboriously check over n over again to ensure everything is fit for the final product.

gotta be thankful for one thing. murphy didn't come knocking on my door yesterday.

2006-03-18T09:41:00.000+08:00

These guys are not human..

Insane..

Doesn't really mean much if the papers keep saying Pat won 17 grammys. To come and see why he has won 17 grammys.. ah.. now I am more than convinced why he won 17 grammys.

save for what i thought was a rather muffled guitar sound emanating from the speakers (or maybe that's part of the repertoire?), and what Ty thought was an incessant high pitched sound during the 1st 3 songs, it was a performance worth every cent of my pocket, and every minute of my time.

It wasn't meant to be

2006-03-13T12:24:00.000+08:00

My hopes of being able to get my UMAD fees paid for were dashed when I went up against a national ranked player in my 'last-16' match.

The ironic thing was, I got off to a good start, taking the 1st rack. It was probably the quickest rack in the competition for me. He won the lag, broke, and proceeded to clear his balls until he was left with 1 stripe and the black, when he missed and accidentally snooked me. i got out of it, and managed to play a relatively safe shot. on my next turn, I cleared the rack and made it 1-0.

Rack 2 was the psychological turning point, although I was still in the lead. My opponent broke and scratched, and that was initially when I felt really good. Alas, I was so blur to overlook the rule which states that when I have ball in hand right after a scratch on the breakshot, I have to start before the breakline. I didn't, and my opponent only sounded that off after I took the shot. By then it was too late for me, because he had ball in hand, and cleared the rack from there. 1-1.

I made quite a few mistakes in rack 3, and thus I must say my opponent deserved the rack. 2-1.

The climax of rack 4 was when I was left with 2 stripes, and him the black. He missed the black, to my amazement, and at that point, I straightaway realised it was a God-given chance for me to claw back. I cleared the 2 stripes, but fell short of ideal positioning for the black. I was then forced to take a bank shot into the corner pocket. This was make or break.
I took the shot, and anxiously traced the path of the black. it sank right into the heart of the pocket.(*is this really 2-2?*)

but as I turned to the other side, the cue ball did the same... it was over..

well, it wasn't meant to be. still have to pay for UMAD4 myself. haha. But I went back and did some reflection on my play. The 1st rack clearly showed that I had a good chance. But at the back of my head I was too pre-occupied with who I was playing, and that is a clear indicator of nerves. The most important thing was to focus on how I was playing, rather than on who I was playing with, and that psychological barrier was probably the root of my undoing.

In life, we also have this tendency sometimes to focus on how good others are, and try to match ourselves to them, and we invariably place undue pressure on ourselves because of that. It was a good lesson taken away for me, and definitely something which will help me in the future.

Well, this is why I love pool. Alot of the battles occur within yourself when you play the game, especially competitively. It trains your patience and sense of focus, and requires a certain strategic mindset, to visualize the sequence of shots you wanna take. All in all, it presents a challenge for the mind and body.

Life Math

2006-03-09T18:38:00.000+08:00

Sleep + Good food = Shiok!

Your potential + mental disturbance = your best realistic performance (for pool)

Laptop crash + paper due tomorrow = gone case

Freedom of expression – sense = unrest

Pasta + mushroom + olive oil + garlic = power!

Man + Cufflinks = Gentleman

3G phone + Intriguing desire to video oneself = Instant worldwide fame

politics = f(people, personal agendas)

God’s love > (human understanding)∞

2006-03-01T14:38:00.000+08:00

In days of yore from western shores
Oldham dauntless hero came
and planted a Beacon of Truth and Light
in this island of the Main.
Here may it stand from year to year
emblem of grand endeavour
The regions round echo the soundof A.C.S. forever.

(Chorus)
Sing A.C.S. forever more, our A.C.S. forever.
God save our land and heaven blessour A.C.S. forever.

Our students hail from China's plains
and the Land of Rising Sun.
We have many sons from India's strand
and the islands of the Main.
Our hearts our hopes our aims are one.
No discord e'er will sever.
We'll stand together for the cause
of A.C.S. forever.

(Chorus)
Sing A.C.S. forever more, our A.C.S. forever.
God save our land and heaven blessour A.C.S. forever.

Henry Martyn Hoisington(Sung to the tune of "The Maple Leaf")

Happy Founder's Day!

2006-02-21T23:31:00.000+08:00

e·mo·tion (ĭ-mō'shən)
1. A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling: the emotions of joy, sorrow, reverence, hate, and love.
2. A state of mental agitation or disturbance: spoke unsteadily in a voice that betrayed his emotion. See synonyms at feeling.
3. The part of the consciousness that involves feeling; sensibility: “The very essence of literature is the war between emotion and intellect” (Isaac Bashevis Singer).
4. incidents of coordinated changes in several areas, including what has been called the ‘reaction triad’ of physiological arousal, motor expression, and subjective feeling, in response to either an internal or an external event of significant importance to an individual

Showed alot of it this past week.

Would add my own definition:
5. A mental state which in its extreme magnitude ensures that you remember something for a long time to come.

is freedom really free?

2006-02-04T11:01:00.000+08:00

The recent spate over the caricature of a sacred religious figure in an European publication has raised the ever controversial issue of freedom of expression vs respect for various religions.

The current situation seems to be escalating into a zero sum spiral, where protests within the Islamic community are far from abating, and the European community aren't backing down either, as more publications are publishing the very caricature that has sparked the furore in the first place, to spite the protests of the Islamic community.

Soft spots have been touched on both sides. Religious sensitivity has been thrown to the dogs, whiles the sacred principle of freedom of expression has been questioned. So both sides seem bent on holding on to their respective principles. I suppose the details of the situation are probably well understood through widespread media coverage, so I won't go through it. What I want to ponder here is the concept of freedom. Freedom of expression.

The Western world prides itself on the freedom to live, to express oneself in whatever way one deems fit and right. Well, the definitions of fit and right themselves are subjective as far as diverse cultures and religions are concerned. That pride is made most manifest when the relevant authorities in the European country were not willing to apologise for the acts of the 'free press', basing the action (or inaction) on religious adherence to the principle of freedom of expression.

If such pride were to be taken in preserving this freedom of expression, wouldn't it be logical to suggest that one should be willing to bear the consequences of that freedom, regardless of how dire those consequences may be? If one says that there should be freedom of expression, but believe that this freedom should imply freedom from backlash or, even, death threats, then is it a freedom that is really cherished? Do people preach freedom of expression because they truly believe in the intangible value of freedom, or they just want to mantain some form of dignity and superiority because they can't find it elsewhere? If one wants freedom, but is not willing to accept the consequences of that freedom in an imperfect world, then I question whether such an attitude towards freedom should be accorded the dignity that is due an individual who is willing to die for a noble cause.

Furthermore, if one believes in freedom of expression, then give that same freedom to the religious community who feel that their rights and sacred figures have been desecrated, who naturally would exhibit 'freedom of expression', when something close to their hearts has been trampled on. I don't think that such reactions from the religious community should be termed to be a violation of freedom of expression. In fact, it is just another 'expression of freedom', the freedom to express unhappiness at the belittling of a sacred religious figure.

I think that there are many out there who make light of the concept of 'freedom'. For one, some want freedom, but don't want to acknowledge the price tag that may come along with it. Still, there seems to be this inconsistent application of freedom of expression. The backlash against supposed 'freedom of expression' is in itself an example of the exercise of the freedom to express. The freedom to express heartfelt and genuine indignation. I believe 'freedom of expression' needs to be examined in a broader perspective, and more importantly, whether there is any true value in it at all.

2006-02-02T23:21:00.000+08:00

The headline read "Singapore's unemployment rate hits low of 2.5%". I was thinking, 'well, that could be a good start to the day', considering that I was going for an interview with MAS. I was certainly hoping that I would be on the postive end of the favourable statistic which made the headlines on this very day.

The day was rather draining. Had to pen an essay, engage in a group discussion where we were observed by 2 HR personnel who were religiously penning notes everytime you participated in the discussion. And the process ended off with the interview itself. Felt OK, managed to answer all the questions fielded at me with promptness and confidence. Yet, just like all the interviews I went for, I came out with that lightness of being, as I looked back realising that I was so focused on my own responses, that I had lost track of my own body language and my mannerisms. It was always a case where I would, prior to the interview, tell myself that I was going to take note of my body language and all, but alas, once u enter the room, everything's a blur.

Well, another interview in the cards, yet it remains uncertain what I'm gonna be doing some 6mths from now.

During the discussion, we talked about the local education system, and how society should be more accepting of alternatives to the norm. That's what breeds a true sense of entrepreneurship and a daring attitude that seems lacking in Singaporeans.

Well, I've been thinking about alternatives that I could consider, or rather, would consider:

1. open a cue shop
2. set up a billiard cafe

hmm.

2006-01-29T18:16:00.000+08:00

2006-01-26T18:54:00.000+08:00

First best. Second best

2005-12-16T00:31:00.000+08:00

Economists would know that in the ideal world where the tenets of our fragile globe adhere religiously to the machinations of simple straight line graphs of demand and supply, and to the simplifying assumptions of rational decision makers who can define their utilities in terms of discrete units of measurement, policy would very much be ideal. taxes could be imposed such that the last detailed unit of externality is taken care of. such that the last cigarette smoked is taken care of, down to the last passive smoker. monetary policy could be imposed to deadly precision, where prices could be predicted and output impeccably managed to the dot.

In short, life would be utopian, to say the least, and perfection would be something that isn't merely dreamed of.

Taking a reality check, we all know that such is wishful thinking, and one could never accurately ascertain the 'costs' of smoking, the costs of inflation, and the costs of everyday activities which are subconsciously self interested and profit motivated, (Even altruism could be considered self interested, if it yields a sense of self satisfaction) down to the marrow of details.

But it doesn't imply the demise of economics, any more than the impossibility of a frictionless plane implies the demise of physics. The ideals thus preached provide simple frameworks to start from, and gears one up to analyse the more complex nature of the real world.

I extend this train of thought to my own perceptions of the world. The mind's constructs of the world have this uncanny ability of steering one to utter optimism or utter despair, and I'd say that the latter case could be attributed to an utopian vision of the world that ought to be. This utopian world akin to the straight-line demand and supply world. An utopian world where everything goes, and where bliss is the call of the day.

Taking a reality check, we all know that the world disappoints with impeccable credibility. Yet, it's not easy to just say that I want to be indifferent to the disappointments and the fallen nature of this world, and to expect to be optimistic right away. It's like trying to say I don't feel pain, when your hand just got chopped off.

Nonetheless, before one conjectures that I am lapsing into depression, I would like to clarify with much zest that living in the second best doesn't kill you. To me, it's more a matter of getting used to it all, and to embrace what life throws at you, even if it means being thrown something you fear. After all, the best way to overcome your fears is to face it. yea, easier said than done, but better said than none. before you know it, the second best would become the 'first best'. It's all in the mind. Nonetheless, this doesn't imply the demise of dreams and aspirations of a better world, any more than the impracticability of straight line demand and supply graphs implies the demise of economics.

Well, as xmas approaches, I'm reminded of the fact that despite my pensive banter about living in the second best and having to settle for second best, God sent His son Jesus down to earth as His first best gift to us. That alone should be able to overcome whatever melancholic state that may prevail. Furthermore, it is the true spirit of xmas which I feel is most neglected by society in general. Santa becomes first best, and Jesus second, when it should be the other way round! In fact, I don't even think Jesus is regarded as second, when He's hardly mentioned or represented in the majestic decorations along orchard road (or is he?).

This Xmas, tis' the season for first bests. first best love. first best concern for each other. first best gifts (heheh... kiddin), for God, in His first best nature, certainly didn't hold back His first best gift. So why should we?

2005-12-07T01:39:00.000+08:00

View from my room

2005-12-07T01:33:00.000+08:00

Dear Del

2005-12-07T01:28:00.000+08:00

My beloved CG (Joy!)

2005-12-05T23:51:00.000+08:00

nothing beats a cuppa and a good book. picked this up from kino a month ago, but couldn't find the time to touch it. then, it turns out that my lecturer put this on his suggested holiday reading list for us. heh.

A moment not in memory

2005-11-17T19:05:00.000+08:00

As I reached the front gate of home, and stopped the car to open the gate, I noticed a lady just outside my front door talking to my uncle. she looked at me as I was still in the car about to get out, and promptly stretched her hand out, palm facing the floor, to indicate the height of probably a 3 year old. I suppose she was talking about me, and probably last saw me when my head would be just high enough to touch her palm where it was at that point.
I got out, and the the first thing she said to me was, "Hi Byron!" Felt weird. Her mannerisms seemed to suggest that she had known me for ages. Well, in a way she had.

I smiled, and said hello in response.

"The last time I saw you was when you were.. let's see.. it was 19 eighty.. 83 or 84. (yes I was 2-3 years old then). Your dad brought you into the office, and he was very proud of you."

"oh really?" I didn't really know what else to say, because I couldn't remember anything, so I just did the safest and usually most politically correct thing: smile.=P

"yes. I still remember how you came into the office, and you were literally rolling onto the floor, and just lay on the carpet, hands outstreched. We were all asking you, 'Byron, what are you doing lying on the floor', and you replied, 'O I'm just resting!' "

I do need a rest now.

"And I heard you're doing economics. Good subject. Difficult subject, but good subject!"

Yes. Good things are usually difficult to attain. Good things are usually challenging. But that's why they're good right?

What's on the Playlist: Pink Bullets by the Shins

Reaching out...... for the holidays

2005-11-12T00:08:00.000+08:00

t'was the last day of school yesterday, and though it could have been just like any other thursday on a packed calendar, it was to me one of the intermediate end points in my life. With a thankful heart I fully acknowledge that God has brought me through the most hectic semester of my life. (6 econs modules. whenever i open my online student workspace, it's quite amazing to see 5 'EC' module codes and 1 'UIS' label for my Independent study course) ok, u can discourage me by saying that there are still the exams, but the prospect of the coming holidays (my 2nd last, assuming that I will still have a sizable break before I start work 2nd half of next year) more than offsets the prospect of 5 exams. been there done that.

yes, I'm already planning and most of all, looking forward to the hols. It's gonna be a time of reflection, rest, recreation, retreat (includes the leaders' retreat. heh) recruitment?

reflection on the past year, which can be split into 2 main blocks. my time in the US, and my hectic time back in Spore (yea, u probably figured a heavy connotation in the hefty adjective used). And hopefully, reflection on what i've learnt academically this sem, so that i can gain some novel ideas for my thesis.

rest, physical, mental, spiritual. QTz been kinda neglected here n there this sem. wanna get back on track with the Lord.

recreation. need to start running again. gotta book IPPT before my bday! actually, before xmas eve, since i'll find myself on a plane to korea with my beloved family on 24 dec. actually, before 22nd, since xmas productionz on 22nd and 23rd. wait, actually, before 15th. coz retreat means 4 days without running. hahah. but yes, running is recreation for me. clears the mind. and I am looking forward to get back at the pool table. haven't touched one for the longest time. already arranged to take joy CG out for a pool outing. and there will be more in store that's for sure. and of course, looking forward to great quality time with del=)

retreat. CYM style and retreat style=)

recruitment. would probably be down for a couple of interviews here and there. already scheduled for a written test at civil service college. already missed one call from citibank 2 weeks back (i know coz i checked the number with my fren who got a call from the same number and went for an interview already). called back a million times but the answering machine seems to perpetuate its operation over the phone line. o well. speaking about citibank, was talking to a friend who is now in shanghai on his MA training stint with citibank. saw him on MSN at 1030pm and he was still at work. he said the hours were long, but he enjoyed it. good for him i guess. his simple words on the blue framed msn window sparked of passion and enthusiasm, which i certainly hope to have when I start work. Dun wanna be one of those blokes who find work a drag. life is only lived once. too short to spend time on things which will make u regret when u look back. of course, thats an idealized state of being, but it's worth much more than a moment's thought.

And don't judge the extent of my emphases on each aspect based on the length of my entries for each. sometimes a word can speak of a thousand ways. and conversely, i could just be crapping away sometimes. haha.

t'was the hour where my brain cell deprived head is psychologically being magnetised to my heavenly pillow.

Whatz on the playlist: Holographic Universe by Thievery Corporation

2005-11-06T20:46:00.000+08:00

"Be kind & compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave u" EPH4:32

God's love is like trigonometry, for if u divide love, it will always multiply.
give love away and it will always come back to you with its arms full - joni eareckson tada

When God puts someone in your life, it is like a mirror of His first love, and He hopes that in turn we will mirror His love to that special someone. Thank you Lord=)

ranting while in a rut

2005-11-03T00:34:00.000+08:00

I'm in one of those moods where I take a raincheck and ponder on the time that's just whizzed by this semester. My 2nd last semester. I ask myself whether I've made full use of the time. Well, u see, I'm kinda in a rut, because I've never been in situation where I've a paper due on mon and I'm not even halfway done. midnite oilers would probably be laughing at me, but haha confessions confessions, I can be quite a planning freak sometimes. well, for a good part of my semesters in uni, which enables me to be more or less at cruise control mode when the exams approach. things are kinda different now. more like damage control, or at least closer to it. so when i'm in a situation where I still have 4 deadlines looming in front of my finite self, having just cleared 4 deadlines in the past week, i would naturally ask if i could've done things better previously. another symptom of the planning freak in me?

I could take it as payback for the immense fun i had in berkeley. darn that last module which couldn't clear the minefield of administrative regulations. but well, i may be getting more spells of headaches, sore throats, late nites, wanting to just lie in bed n not thing about anything, yet, it was all worthwhile.

just my rantings. had to let out some random manifestations of brain waves gone awry, after long days of slogging at my table. ok it's not slogging la, too strong a word. it's hard work, and work which i willingly put in, and could almost forget my lunch on deepavali over.

WhAtZ on e plaYLiSt: 7 days in sunny june - Jamiroquai. just brightens up my day=)

2005-10-28T22:13:00.000+08:00

"If you owe your bank manager 100 pounds, you have a problem.
If you owe your bank manager 1 million pounds, he has a problem."

John Maynard Keynes

Good Question

2005-10-22T23:18:00.000+08:00

My lecturer went through this brain teaser with us during class. No, it wasn't because he had nothing better to do. It was to illustrate the concept of asymmetric information, which we were going through in lecture, and how we can deal with it. Incidentally, a good friend of mine was asked a different version of this same question during an interview, and it apparently cost him his internship place because he couldn't answer it.=P

"A traveller approaches a split in the road.

1 branch leads to the village of the truthtellers (ie. those who always tell the truth, no matter what)

The other branch leads to the village of the liars (ie. those who always lie, no matter what)

A person is sitting at the split in the road. The traveller must find out which branch leads to which village by asking the person just 1 question. The traveller doesn't know whether the person is a truthteller or a liar.

What should be the question?"

2005-10-20T00:27:00.000+08:00

Every good cause is worth some inefficiency.

Paul Samuelson

The Eleventh Endeavour

2005-10-17T23:26:00.000+08:00

I'm not one who would usually do stuff at the eleventh hour. But when you are already maximising, or close to maximising the time you have in hand(all 24 hours of it, which includes time sleeping to rejuvenate the mind, although my mind can be very active when sleeping=S), then the maxim of maximisation may require some things to be done till the stroke of the clock's hand which marks the deadline, literally.

Today I had an assignment due at noon. It was what would have been a seemingly simple assignment comprising 1 question with 4 parts. The question didn't even take up an A4 page. I was projecting to finish it last sat morning, but the more time I spent on it, the more confused I was, as I noticed more and more loopholes in my solution. So throughout the past week, I was spending an hour or so each time staring at the question, thinking about it, but usually always ending up at a cognitive deadend. And it always helps to take your mind off a problem for abit, and going back into it again at a later time, when your mind is free of the self imposed constraints that set in when u focus your mind on a problem.

Ok, u may be wondering where the 'eleventh hour' element sets in. I finished up the assignment at 1115am. packed my lappie, books and all, and rushed down the CTE to school, reaching campus by 1145. Just as I was getting outta the car, a flash of recollection made me realise that I had to change something in my answer. So I dashed to the corridor just below my prof's mailbox and began to work on the amendment. (God knows whether it would make a difference) But just as I finished making the amendment, and was flipping through the pages to double check (*check watch* 1156), I was shocked to find that I had left 1 page in the car (a 10min walk away from where i was. 5 min run). Knowing my lecturer to be rather 'strict', i dashed to his office and explained to him my fumble, only to get immediate permission to retrieve the stray piece of paper that was causing me undue perspiration on a mon afternoon.

It's been quite awhile since I last had the adrenalin rush of doing something at the very last minute. Well, thats life, and the imperfection of it. But we learn to live with it, not just because it may be unavoidable sometimes ('why didn't you finish assignment 5 last week? coz i had to do assignment 4 last week. Why didn't you finish assignment 4 the week before then? coz i had to do readings for assignment 4 the week before.....'), but coz it teaches us certain things about outselves. To me, how we react to a last minute situation is a good gauge of out personal composure, and in bigger situations, character probably. Well, i think this only tested my physical stamina, running from carpark to corridor.

2005-09-23T23:41:00.000+08:00

If morality is about how the world ought to work,
then economics is about how the world actually works

A Friend & A Father

2005-09-06T21:32:00.000+08:00

Last night, I managed to meet up with Andy, my friend from HongKong, whom I got to know when I was on SEP in Berkeley. He was in Singapore for a inter-varsity debate competition, a mandarin debate competition. In life the best test of one's character is if one is put through the fire of trials. For me, being in such a competition would be a furnace of trials for me. I would be wimpering at not even knowing when the debate would have started.. hee.

Well, self-deprecating jokes aside, it was nice to see Andy once again. The 1st thing I noticed about him as he walked towards my car from the hotel lobby was that he was wearing a Berkeley Tshirt, a supplement to my reminiscence of good ol' days in Berkeley. The 1st thing he said to me when he stepped into the car was, 'you've shaved!' Couldn't help but feel like it was just yesterday that we said goodbye in Chloe's apartment in Berkeley. That's the power of a treasured friendship. It transcends the physical reality of time, or rather, it supercedes it, and elucidates bonds that are meant to last a lifetime.

I brought him, meeting up with Shawn, Feli and Cynthia, to have some nice prata at Al Amin. Figured that I should bring Andy to try some food that would be most dissimilar to what he has in abundance back in HongKong. So I was betting that they don't have that many prata stalls in HongKong. Hmm. I later drove him to Geylang to have some nice tauhway, and on the way i drove through Orchard Road to let him catch some sights (well, whatever there is to be sighted, albeit not much), since he was busy with his debate competition that he didn't have as much time to tour Singapore as he'd have liked.

It was fun and nice to be a tour guide, given that this is probably my 1st time playing that role. And it's funny how places seem so different to you when you are introducing them to a foreigner. Maybe after being a guide repeatedly you'd get back to that feeling of routineness and complacency, but for me, the 1st time was something interesting indeed. Made me realise how I've taken certain parts of this country for granted. One thing being the wonderful and abundant reserves of food. Yes, we complain that there's always traffic jams, or that cars are too expensive, or that Singaporeans are all under the umbrella of a certain acronym that has connotations of 'paying and paying', but man, you gotta admit, food's always good!

Well, so much for a night of reunion and reminiscence of our once in a lifetime experience in Berkeley. It was a great night, especially when my dad returned from Papua New Guinea after many weeks overseas, as usual.

We went for breakfast at good ol' gardens this morning, a good start to the day indeed, and I always enjoy conversations with him, which can range from his work over there, to what I should be doing after graduation, to family matters, to politics(being a baby boomer, he is a strong supporter of LKY, and for many good reasons).

And boy is he one helluva guy, still going paktor with my mum tonight, ahhah. Well, I'm talking about this coz I wanna learn from him man. He's really a dedicated family man, and hardworking to top that up, albeit workaholic sometimes. Yet, amidst all that I know about him in the past 23 years of my life, I admire him most for his strong sense of commitment and tenacity. He's been there for us all this while, even when he has to be out station for the longest time. Who would call home everyday even when he's away for more than 6 weeks at a stretch? And all these years, he's been there for us and for my mum despite her condition. Respect.

you could say that I've probably inherited diligence from him, but a tinge of being too emotional sometimes from my mum, but not to say that I'm calling myself a victim of circumstances. I believe that they are a positive combination, if only I would grab hold of the opportunity to make them a worthy and powerful combination. It's great to know that God has created me to be unique in my own way, and that I was put in this world to live life to the fullest. Yet, I do occasionally indulge in deep thought about what the definition of fullest is in the context of my life.

Many things come and go. School, work, ministry. But some things just won't go, and that's reason to cheer.

A Tribal Tale

2005-08-23T21:22:00.000+08:00

A good start to the day. Managed to pull myself outta the sack at an unearthly 7am. (unearthly for a weekday that is) Was in my running gear and almost-worn-out-but-ever-so-reliable asics by 730am, after which I took a morning run with Alex through the sleepy neighbourhood.

Feels good. Really gives u a boost for the rest of the day, but was just wondering to myself if I could keep this up when I have to start working.. Hmm.

Well, my good start of a morning aside, I'd like to tell a lil' story. Not that I always tell stories.

In our beloved mother earth, there was this little tribe, which we shall refer to as the tiger tribe. Well, ok not really little, considering that there are a few million people living in it. This was a not your usual caveman tribe. Tiger tribe was a very prosperous and technologically advanced tribe where most of the inhabitants were nowhere near struggling to make ends meet. To top that up there was immense diversity in the ethnic groups that resided in this tribe, and everyone lived in harmony and peace. Well, almost.

Tiger tribe was ruled by a group of capable and intellectual tribal chiefs, and has been ruled by them for some 4 decades now. That alone has raised eyebrows among other tribes on the face of mother earth, who have pre-dominantly seen different groups of tribal chiefs rising and falling, or at least have seen differing groups of tribal chiefs, who are mostly of matching prowess and capability, actively vying for the mantle of ruling their tribes.

In fact, many wonder whether there are really no other tribal chiefs around who have the desire to get to the position of ruling their tribe, or whether the existing tribal chiefs legally create an environment where the manifestation of new and opposing groups of tribal chiefs is as probable as the sun rising from the west and setting in the east.

Notwithstanding the sentiments in the air, most tiger tribers are happy with life as it is, and would rather not expend their finite human capacities on bothering about the art of ruling a tribe. Hence, life does go on and most are satisfied with the state of affairs.

Apart from the tribal chiefs, there was in existence a Figure head of tiger tribe, whose main responsiblity was to guard the tribe's reserves of honey, which has been amassed to a phenomenal amount. No one can be sure of how much honey has been accumulated, but one knows for sure that it is no meagre amount. It used to be that the Figure head would be appointed by the chiefs themselves, but the chiefs, some years back, decided to allow the tiger tribers to choose who shall be Figure head. Or at least that was what was claimed to the rest of tiger tribe.

A few weeks back, there was a call for tribers to apply for the position of the Figure head, because the current Figure head was about to complete his 1st term. Nonetheless, there were a whole list of catches, and among that burgeoning list were that the triber has to have held high positions in tribal councils within tiger tribe, preferably if the councils were endorsed by the chiefs. The triber also must have had the responsibility of managing at least 100milllion grams of honey, and the triber must be deemed to be of good character and conduct.

Tiger tribers who submitted their requests to be Figure head were to be screened by the head of heads tribal council who were deemed to be worthy of judging whether the Figure head wannabes were suitable for the tribal seat of honour. This tribal council claims to be independent of any other influences, including the tribal chiefs. But many tiger tribers knew that this was a dangerous and uncertain world they lived in, and anything could certainly prevail.

Then came this particular triber who decided to try for the position of Figure head. His name was apacheee kanaachi. He was a bright promising triber who had substantial experience in running a prominent tribal council, and he plucked the courage to try for a position where he was able to contribute to his beloved tribe. Some would think that he was responding to a call by one of the tribal chiefs in a message to the tiger tribers a year ago calling for tribers to step out and desire to make a difference to the tribe. And this would certainly be an indication of apacheee's desire to contribute to the tribe.

Nonetheless, apacheee found that there were many obstacles in his way. The only legitimate form of public communication among the tribers was a group of messengers who would go relaying reports all around the tribe. The messengers gave apacheee more than a fair share of attention, but alas the things that were said about him were laced with much skepticism, even when he 1st appeared in public, which then was unindicative of whether he was a good or bad triber. It was as though apacheee wasn't given a decent opportunity to market himself to the tribe. This was certainly in contrast to reports of tribal chiefs or their comrades who were always at least complimentary, regardless of the situation.

At the end of the day, apacheee failed to even qualify to be in the position of being able to be chosen by the tribers, because he was deemed by the head of heads council to not meet the requirements. Prior to the council's announcement, the messengers did not spare apacheee one bit. Among the many deprecatory scrolls about apacheee was a testimony that he was asked to step down from a particular tribal council because among many reasons, he was not a tribe player (meaning, it was claimed that he couldn't work well with other tribers). And so the story goes. apacheee decided to declare that he was going to get on with life, in a tribe where he was supposedly asked to step up to make a difference, but now the only difference he made was that now the tribe knew who he was. previously they didn't.

Imperfections within apacheee probably caused his failure to even get a fair attempt at the position of Figure head. And being the intellectual and prosperous tribe that tiger tribe was, many of its tribers reflected on this episode. Among the issues that were raised amongst the tribers was the idea that they had the mandate to choose the Figure head. But did they really have the choice, when the head of heads council was the one deciding who the tribers could decide on? How does one define choice? Is it a case of wanting to ensure high standards within the powers that be, or a lack of confidence in the intellect of the tribers, who have access to an education system which the chiefs boast of? Wouldn't it be better to just let the chiefs decide who might be suitable to be Figure head, and save the many aspiring tribers (but who nonetheless would be deemed unsuitable) the ridicule by the messengers?(ie. go back to the way it was)

That being said, does one have to be perfect to be the Figure head?No wait, the question is does one have to be perfect to be qualified to be chosen as Figure head. Not even talking about being figure head.

Are all the chiefs perfect? Human logic conjectures that no one is perfect, and everyone being different has their own fair share of limitations. In fact, some tribers know that there was a chief who wasn't exactly of ideal conduct within a previous tribal council he was in (i think it was the council that produced honey), and yet, the messengers were trying to paint as rosy a picture as possible to propogate the suitability of this chief, despite imperfections revealed.

Well, as much as no one is perfect, no tribe is perfect, and I guess the tigers are mostly willing to live with that, and that's ok by most standards. It's perfectly fine to accept the imperfect. But there has to be the sobering reminder that even if one paints oneself all white, what really matters is what happens within the realm where no triber has access to.

Life teaches

2005-08-14T22:48:00.000+08:00

I used to think that bukit timah is the same as tanglin, because when I was staying in bukit timah, I found that I was under the tanglin constituency. Now I know that where u actually stay and the constituency you're under doesn't have any consistent relationship or correlation, because it is constantly changed for unrevealed reasons.

I used to think that the Singapore flag was uniquely designed. Now I know that it's just a combination of the Malaysian and Indonesian flag, since we're right smack in the middle of the 2 of them.

I used to think that it was unrealistic to study an economy occupied by fully rational, self interested individuals. Now I know that homo economicus is to economics what the frictionless plane is to physics. It simplifies the situation to enable us to proceed with a framework of analysis of the more realistic scenario of a darn complicated world.

I used to think that cats were 'dao' and unlovable animals. Now I realise that they can make really good companions at home.

I used to think that harddisk referred to the now almost defunct A-drive floppies, and floppy disk referred to the larger softer disks that are more than defunct now. Need I say what I now realise?

I used to think that it was preposterous to think that our preferences and wants could be modelled accurately by mathematical equations. Now I realise that the ability to use a seemingly theoretical system to characterise our very own psyche, and consequently how the world economic system works, reflects the true beauty of God's creation.

I used to think that nerds were to be avoided. Now I realise I'm quite a nerd myself. HAh.

2005-08-13T21:29:00.000+08:00

it's the end of my 1st week back in school. Back in NUS. Been a good 8mths since I last had a lecture back here in Spore. Feels good once again. Yet, going for my econometrics lecture kinda reminded me back of my days in Berkeley. Why? well, would you believe me if I said that it was my Korean lecturer's accent which reminded me of my days in Berkeley.. Well, to solve the link between 2 apparently unrelated aspects of the globe, I made many Korean friends in Berkeley, whether it was in Ihouse or in church, so in a special way, there is etched in my mind this arbitrary association between Berkeley and the Korean accent.

Seems weird, but thinking more about it reveals to me how such an association I've just mentioned is just how memories are formed. In our own experiences in work or at school we form many such seemingly unrelated associations in our minds. It could be that in our younger days in sec school, we used to listen to a certain song because it was hip to do so or simply because it sounded good. Then years down the road when you listen to that song, it could remind you of the route you took to school every morning, maybe coz you played that tune in your 'now-close-to-defunct' walkman.

I remember listening to the song 'I'll stand by you' by the Pretenders back when my grandfather passed away. In some way, although it being a true coincidence that i came to listen to it during that time back in '94, i drew a special sort of comfort from it. And I really needed comfort.

I respected him tremendously, because I found him to be someone, who although stern and authoritarian on the outside, was particularly endearing to his grandchildren, and no matter how busy he was (I dun remember him retiring until like really close to his passing), he would always set aside time to talk to me about my school life and to always remind me to study hard. You could say that most, if not all, grandfathers are like that. Maybe not. But in my own life situation, I've had the privilege of having a grandpa like him, and that was all that mattered.

Thus, another association here is Chrissie Hyndes'(lead singer of the pretenders) voice and the passing of my grandfather. If you were to scroll right through this post and just happen to read this paragraph alone, you'd probably be stupefied. well, if so, then read above too.. If not, thanks for reading everything=)

This, although a quirky aspect of life, can also be a bright side of life. Associations help us relive the wonderful moments, carved out from experiences which we seek to learn from, to pick up from, or simply to move on from. And they teach me one thing: That we are products of our own experiences. Experiences lead to associations, associations to memories, and memories form a substantial part of our minds. Our minds are shaped by how we choose to learn from those experiences which have gone before us, and they determine how we seek to face future experiences, which would determine how we live life. Consequently, the progress of our lives determine the future associations we will pick up along the way.

This is one thing that makes us human.

2005-08-06T21:54:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, like now, I find myself talking about stuff that happened a few days back. it's a saturday. getting the kinda feeling u usually get before catching a flu. of coz, I hope against hope that I wun fall sick. what a way to start the new semester.

Thur evening was one of reminiscence. Gathered at city hall for a sec 4 class gathering. wasn't much of a class gathering, considering that there were only 6 of us. Victor, Ray, Daoni, Alex, Soonli and myself. we did talk about the next outing we are aiming towards in dec which Kim has volunteered to organise. we hope it'd be a big one, where we could hopefully get JJ Lin to attend too. HEH.

Well, on the way to city hall, as I was driving on the CTE approaching the tunnel and the newton exit, I was deciding between the tunnel towards plaza sing, and the newton exit. I finally decided on the former, as the latter was unusually jammed. well, it shouldn't be unusual now, given that the logical explanation for the jam was the new ERP charges that enroached upon motorists heading back from town.

You read the Straits Times and you will be given the public rationale for the new charges: to curb traffic (hmm, curb huh... curb clear roads, or curb jams?). Then elaboration by the press reveals that the idea is to curb marginal users, that is, users who don't need to use the CTE everyday, who will then take alternative routes.

well, observation on my part reveals that there are a whole lot of marginal users out there, judging from the immense jams that are apparently newly created from the new charges. Then comes the question: how many alternative routes can there be in little red dot singapore?

The objective is to curb traffic jams, but one would find that COE prices for the open category are at an all time low, and look you, almost at the same time as the emergence of the new ERP charges. it's like enticing more pple to buy cars, and making more pple pay more for using the roads. Does it curb jams? remains to be seen...

u'd prob be thinking, 'aren't u gonna talk about your class outing?' well, the above-mentioned train of thought occurred between alex and I as i drove into the CTE tunnel, and it was duly concluded as we turned onto orchard road. so you could say it forms part of the class outing=)

the actual class dinner was at thai express, where i tried the 'king of thai laksa', which i suspect, could be the culprit of my nagging sore throat now.. sure is one hellluva king.

In Singapore, we don't have a king (or do we?), but we have a president. And it's interesting to know that here, to become president, one needs a COE too... Certificate of Eligibility. Hmm...

2005-08-03T20:22:00.000+08:00

"your essay is good and original. But the good part is not original, and the original part is not good."

I wasn't slammed for writing a bad essay. It's simply a quote from essayist Samuel Johnson that Dr Peter Wilson ended off with after briefing us on the honours thesis that some of us will choose to embark on. He was quite witty and humorous while briefing us on a not so witty and humorous topic. I was thus quite encouraged for the moment, thinking 'at least my international economics lectures were going to be interesting' (He's the international lecturer), until Hongsheng turned to me to clarify that he's usually not this humorous in class... well, lost an aspect for optimism amidst what would be a 'non-stop-hip-hop-until-u-dun-stop' semester.
Of course, I'm still looking forward to the sem in a way. the topics seem interesting, and worth as well as requiring of deep thought. Dr Wong put in his synopsis of behavioural economics that 'he can't promise an easy road, but he promises changed economic perspectives after 12 weeks'. hmmm.. will see what that means.

2005-08-02T23:14:00.000+08:00

life beholds various kinds of cycles. business cycles. water cycles. bicycles. whichever aspect one is dealing with, the cyclical concept always involves some degree of equilibriating. cycles have their highs and lows, where one without the other would certainly lead to most unspeakable consequenes. There is another cycle which I seem to observe from time to time, and one may say that it merely exists in the realms of one's psychological mindset. it involves a swing from a state of satisfaction to that of discomfort, by a sudden jolt of events, and the disappearance or subsiding of the jolt gradually brings discomfort back to satisfaction.

i experienced a small jolt in the form of my car breaking down, just after exiting the expressway thank God. apparently the automator (the device which charges the car battery while the car is being driven) was dead, so the car was draining out the battery flat. no wonder the battery light went on yesterday morning, which promted me to check the battery water, which was sufficient, making it all the weird. ok, blame it on my lack of mechnical expertise. well, that jolt resulted in half a day spent at the workshop, but at least I learnt abit more about the inside of a car. there's always a lesson to be learnt, no matter how unwanted or bizarre the situation. it's only whether one is willing to overcome feelings of frustration and even forgo convention to want to gain every ounce of utiity from it.

well, you may ask, how is this linked to the concept of a cycle? well, in the case of the car, prior to the breakdown, i was more or less taking the car for granted (bear in mind that it isn't my own car in the 1st place). it took a jolt as mentioned above to bring me to the state where i begin to appreciate it a little more again. yet i know that after awhile i will start taking it for granted again.... and the next jolt? just let it come. if it comes, it comes. that's life. gotta take what the common entity that we own gives us.

i forgot one more very important cycle. the sleep cycle. And it seems to be starting now..

Tuesday with Ronnie

2005-07-27T10:09:00.000+08:00

0900 - 0945 : Struggled outta bed to have a nice breakfast of prawn mee at sgn gdns, with ST in hand

0945 - 1000 : finish up home section

1000 - 1100 : Time with Daddy

1100 - 1130 : checking/sending mails

1130 - 1300 : checking and bidding for modules (the questionable duration speaks volumes of the amt of lag on the www)

1300 - 1430 : buy lunch. eat lunch while watching thorsten clear the table to overcome mika to advance to the BCA open final.

1430 - 1600 : clear out lotsa trash from my room. and sweep out the horrendous piles of dust under my bed.(*gross*)

1600 - 1800 : reading up on China's economy to get ideas for ISM

1800 - 1815 : reflecting (or stoning)

1815 - 1900 : went for 4.8km run. *pant*

1900 - 1945 : cool down. shower. check mail

1945 - 2015 : dinner with Channel News Asia on the tube.

2015 - 2100 : off to buy selegie tauhway for everyone. *yumyum*

2100 - 2300 : repeated botched attempts to install a new anti-virus, whiling the waiting time away with more reading.

2005-07-23T13:06:00.000+08:00

I thought the newspapers had given more than enough coverage of the NKF fiasco.
It's quite a sight to see so many bloggers coming up to lampoon, mock and just lend justice in eloquent (and not so eloquent) words to the incident which has an impact on how Singaporeans will see charitable organisations forever.

Some have expressed optimism in remarking that at least Singaporeans are finally bothering to speak up and make a stand on issues that concern the civil framework of the nation. That's true to a certain extent. The fact that you see bloggers giving more than a page space to the commentaries of the NKF incident already implies that more and more youngsters are rising up to the vocal occasion.

Yet, looking at it from another perspective, the outpouring of criticisms, sympathy, or just plain comments could be a reflection of the limited avenues that Singaporeans have to voice out their concerns. Maybe people know that going beyond the NKF incident would lead to undesirable consequences. So since the opportunity to lend voice to debate is there, why not just grab it?
after all, if you touch on other areas, you could find yourself being reduced to peanuts.

if you think driving a car is hard, try washing and waxing one.

2005-07-21T23:55:00.000+08:00

"Take any emotion - love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what I'm going through, fear and pain from deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotions-if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them-you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.

But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, 'alright. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment.'"

from Tuesdays with Morrie

2005-07-18T01:33:00.000+08:00

The last time I had butterflies in my stomach while on the PIE heading east was when I was on the way to the airport to catch my flight to San Fran for 5 mths of a once in a lifetime experience.

This time, I had butterflies in my stomach, and I was on the PIE heading east, but I wasn't on the way to the airport. I exited at the bedok reservoir exit and was making my way to my aunt's place. Wouldn't seem like a very appropriate scenario to have butterflies in the stomach. No. But when you haven't met your aunt since you were 15 (which is like 9 yrs ago), well, I could establish a case for the churning activity in what many would consider the way to a man's heart.

I found the block, the flight of steps up and walked down the corridor that led to my aunt's place. at the corner I saw this lady peering out of her gate. I looked back. Could it be? ... 'Byron! I couldn't recognize you..I was wondering what did this young boy want.' 'Ji Ko. it's been awhile..'

'yea, you've changed alot. I couldn't recognize you initially.' My aunt claims I've changed alot. But when uncle telly saw me, the 1st thing he said was, 'no change what.'

in my heart i echoed his sentiments. He hadn't changed 1 bit. not in 9years. It was as though I just saw him yesterday, back when we were all still gathering at chuan walk on an almost weekly basis. Man, they are well in their 50s by now, but they look at least 10 yrs younger. well, must be not having kids and living up in the mountains in recent years which did the trick.

it was great sitting together in their spartan but rather zen looking apartment, and being treated to some sumptuous fare. salad with macademia oil, pasta, prawns, and home-baked chocolate cake with haagen daz.. what a way to end it off. and of course, uncle telly's stories of his 9years or so in london as a nurse. the wealth of his knowledge and experience belies his small frame, and left us at the dinner table wanting to hear more.

life is so simple for them. no kids. no work. they are at the stage where they are living out their retirement, which to them is living life, after earning a living for the past decades. I look at my aunt and uncle and i see a couple at utter peace with each other, and with life itself. I find it hard to believe that they have physically aged by 9 years since I last saw them. It just doesn't look that way.

time sure flies. in their eyes they have lived it well. have i lived my life well? there have been moments which i still yearn for. the days of exuberant youth. (well, i'd like to think i'm still youthful. its all relative) moments where i just wanna forget and move on. memories that remain inevitabilities in time and will always remain etched in the sweet recesses of my mind. never to be physically accessible, but always emotionally retrievable and certainly a great comfort to me when i have to face the big bad world out there.

2005-07-15T16:42:00.000+08:00

if money was of no concern, which would thus erode the incentive to work for a substantial number of people, I'd choose to keep studying.

There are so many things out there that I wanna learn, read and reflect about. It's a pity that we only have 4 years in university, and a bank account that is far from limitless. of course some would disagree with me on the 'only have 4 years' point.

Give me the mental space to indulge in a personal utopia. I'd start on political science and math. the former being a reflection of the fallen nature of man and thus an intrinsic craving to rise up above others, or at least keep one's head above the water. the latter being a reflection of complete beauty that resides in the world, untainted by the vagaries of time.

the former due to God's love, and thus his accordance of free will onto man
the latter due to God's impeccable creativity.

2005-07-14T21:19:00.000+08:00

Attended the arts convocation ceremony this morning. Well, ok, i didn't exactly see the ceremony. Just stood outside dome looking out for Jason, Jo and any others I know or recognise of thought I knew. Was great to see faces I haven't seen in more than 6 months. All adorned in graduation robes, which to most was more of a hassle than a mark of having 'made it', trigger happy fingers went snapping, and everyone was all smiles. Yet, amidst the apparently joyous atmosphere, one knew that it was ushering in the working world. Some had to rush back to work after the ceremony, so much so that photo-taking had to be cut short. yep. This is where I'll be in 1 year's time, if nothing goes wrong.

Yet, as i was looking at the specially prepared booklet with the list of graduands, and as I looked on at the sheer number of graduands in robes, it really puts to question the true significance of graduating. yea, we're supposedly the top 10%-20% in Singapore(is that right?), but absolute numbers and percentages tell different stories, and reveal different aspects of reality. if my brain refused to indulge in absolute numbers, 10-20% seems even a remote reason to gloat. but no, look, you're just a small fish in a big ocean. terence was counting the number of honours graduates and mentally estimating the number of companies in singapore who would employ BSocSci(hons) to derive the probability of employment...

for now, the only numbers i wanna think of are 8 and 9.
8-ball or 9-ball man. my hands are itching, but all my kakis are out fo town.

an aside.

"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time." abraham lincoln

2005-07-08T16:50:00.000+08:00

I can point out 2 recent instances of the rise of the underdogs.

One would be the ongoing world pool championships, and the other would be in the just concluded IOC bid for the host country for the 2012 olympics, held in Singapore.

1st, the world pool championships. it's down to the last 16, but less than half of the 16 are tournament favourites, something uncharacteristic of a world championship, where the last 16 should more or less have sieved out all the dregs and left the gold standing strong. It's kinda ironic since this is the 1st year where the table pockets have been narrowed to favour the stronger players who should deliver more accurate shotmaking and positioning. Yet, this novel move has yielded the reverse. Django is gone. Taiwan no.1 Chao and mentee Yang are gone. defending champion Pagulayan is out. US no.1 Earl the pearl has packed his bags. Ortmann disappoints, and 9 ball legend Efren Reyes didn't even make the last 64. The surviving favourites are 2003 world champ Thorsten Hohmann, Rodney 'the rocket' Morris, 2001 world champ Mika 'iceman' Immonen and Marcus Chamat. And even as I pen this down, I won't be surprised if they lose their chance at the tables of the last 16 to the virtual unknowns and rising stars of the game.

2nd, the IOC bid. The last 3 favourite cities were Paris, Madrid and London, with Paris being the fave of the 3 right till the end. Alas, the British staged a great comeback from behind with the great efforts of 'comeback from behind' Coe, who is well known for coming back strong from his 800m disappointment to clinch the 1500m, in a distant Olympic event (or was it the other way round?), did what he is best at when it really mattered for London. And to think Chirac was making fun of Brit cuisine the day before the result. I guess Londoners all over would rhetorically comment 'who has the last laugh?' Some retorted back by suggesting a French menu for the French leader, which included 'French whine'.

Well, the rise of the underdogs does show what is probably a well known but 'taken for granted' fact: anything can happen.
Life is so uncertain it can be scary and shocking. But when you bring yourself to accept it, it can reveal a sense of excitement which makes life worth living and challenging, although it is a double edged sword, in that uncertainties can drive us to frustration and even depression.

Where there is black, there is white. where there's up, there's down. big, small. rich, poor. good, evil. yes, no. a sword's edge. wait, there another edge at the other side.

The dual nature of existence.

Of course, I do think that God has a unique way of humbling mankind when there is potential from national egoes to be inflated beyond reproach. right after London had cause for celebration, 3 almost synchronised bomb blasts wrecked major nodes of London's subway and bus routes, killing more than 60 people and injuring many others. Not to say that God planned those bomb blasts, but surely He allowed it (for reasons which may never be uncovered by the finite human intellect), given that it did happen. Humbling it sure was, for the Brit party poopers realised sensibly that celebrations had to stop, and that they had to rush back to home.

well, planning ahead is good. ahead meaning 7 years ahead. some of us don't even plan 7mins ahead. But anything can happen, and it could potentially hamper our well intended plans. Surely if these bomb blasts happened a day before the bid result, Paris would have gotten it?

2005-07-04T14:07:00.000+08:00

Soccer has World Cup. Tennis has Wimbledon. 9 Ball has the WPC. And it's pool fever now. 3-10july. If you know me you'd know that I hardly watch TV, other than channel news asia. But every july is an exception. I'm just a sucker for the table sport.Passion or obsession, it's there=)

Nonetheless, quite sad that Efren is not within the top 4 in his group, which puts him in danger of not even reaching the last 64. Django is faring slightly better, being 2nd in his group, but 2 wins and 2 losses would be considered a slow start for an artist of the game. Pagulayan isn't getting off to a smooth start either, but of course, it's still in the early stages, and I certainly hope these fave players of mine will get through and not have to pack up early and leave Kaohsiung. My idea of a good final would be to see a Filipino and a Taiwanese in the final.

In contrast, the Taiwanese contingent is enjoying the full benefits of home ground advantage, with the likes of Yang Ching Shun, his mentor Chao Fong Pang, Fu Che Wei and Hsai Hui Kai being nothing short of dominant in their respective groups. These are a bunch of tough players with solid fundamentals and calm poker-face exteriors which conceal strong mental frames, the latter being a vital psychological asset to any good pool player's arsenal.

To use an analogy from the soccer world, the Taiwanese pool players would be like the German soccer players. Strong and sound in technique and fundamentals. The Filipinos would be like the Brazilians, both making their respective sports like works of art.

Gotta get back to the heart of the action.

Life - a game of 9 ball

2005-06-30T20:02:00.000+08:00

I've realised that upon retrospection, life is alot like 9ball. For starters, the game begins by the break, where the player usually hits the cueball into the pack as hard as possible. necessarily, with such brute strength, alot depends on luck, although with skill one can try to keep the cueball in the centre of the table after breaking the pack. alot depending on luck implies that one can never be sure where the balls end up after the break.

Similarly, in life, one mayn't be able to control the circumstances that come our way from the start. As what many pros would say, 'take what the table gives you', one should take what life throws at you in one's stride, and work with what one has.

After the break, the objective is to sink the 9ball, but at any point one has to hit the lowest numbered ball on the table 1st, what happens subsequently is inconsequential, unless you scratch. This is where a gd pool player plans ahead of the current shot, to plan the positioning for subsequent shots. how well one plans, and of coz, executes the planned shot, would determine the chance of getting at the 9ball at the end of the day.

In life, a person with foresight and purpose would plan ahead of the current actions that one has to undertake. how well one plans, and of coz, puts into action one's plans, would determine the chance of achieving one's purpose.

The World Pool Championships final features a race-to-17 format. 1st to win 17 frames is crowned king of pool. And there are cases where a player can be 5-0 down and still bounce back from the jaws of defeat. But one can only do so if one has the mental grit to pick oneself up from the disappointment of letting go the 1st 5 frames, learn from one's mistakes and blunders, and go for the remaining opportunities still out there.

In life, we do make mistakes, and most of the time, it doesn't mean that it's too late to learn lessons, pick oneself up and seize the opportunties that are still out there. but if one wallows in disappointment over the mistakes already made, it is possible that the opportunities that remain can go to waste as well.

It's a choice.

I wanna shoot some 9ball. that's life.

2005-06-29T23:57:00.000+08:00

1 month into my hols back in spore. 1 more month or so before the sem starts. right in the middle with no job. no attachment. feels gd to have much personal space and time. yet i don't feel settled when I don't have an avenue to be financially independent even for just a month or so. why am i so jittery about this? i guess its thinking about the impending new phase in life where one becomes a student no more and takes both feet into the big bad world of working life and all its perils. scary man. no more good ol' days in the ac void deck, or deciding which movie to watch or where to play pool after lectures and stuff.

well, as i shared in CLUR, I'm gonna take things one step at a time, coz i can go on blogging about how scary its gonna be and all, but it ain't gonna help unless I prepare as best as i can for it now. taking things one step at a time helps, coz it helps me to make the best of my remaining yr in school, and enjoy it while i can. this way, i won't have regrets about not making the best of those moments as a student, when I get into the big bad marketplace of capitalism and bureaucratic wrangling.

anyhows, as i said, I'm gonna take things one step at a time, and talking about more current and tangible issues, I realise that my next big investment is (and has..) gonna/gotta be a new laptop. you could blame it on my sheer lack of IT knowhow and technological illiteracy, but I just can't figure out the problem. I just reformatted my harddisk, and my programs such as word and powerpt get cranky whenever i connect to the internet. sheesh, and i find that I'm getting kinda frustrated over it.

It does reveal one thing, that I'm probably too reliant on the laptop. man, talk about technological progress. it progressively increases our dependence on it. gotta be careful in that respect. we should be using technology and not technology using us.

Fujitsu seems appealing..

2005-06-12T21:28:00.000+08:00

something blog-worthy: i took an SBS bus today.
it's been awhile, and it felt kinda good for the ride home. hah. not that i prefer it to driving, but sometimes it's just good to let others do the driving, what more in a big merc!

my dad's kinda been on a mini shopping spree lately. Last week he went to robinson's (his fave) to buy some home wear. spore sale man. then he got my sis a laptop. later a new hi-fi. and a new flat screen tv is coming in tom evening. gotta be home to receive it. man, and he's considering a new cabinet to complement the new tv. i decided to get a free ride on the shopping wagon by proposing some new book racks for my piling stacks of books, some of which are probably breeding silverfish, but i'm just unwilling to get rid of them, coz i always have the 'someday i may just need them' feeling. Also, somehow, after NS, I've develop a strong affinity for books, and i just like to buy them even if i know i'd probably only be reading them once. i just wished my room had more space for them. i used to think that i was gonna have a problem with space for my cds. but the advent of mp3s has ameliorated the perennial problem of space.

speaking about music, i've been trying to dig out some of my old cds after listening to some 'nostalgic' songs on the radio, which now has a higher probability, given that i'm listening more to class 95 and gold 90.5. well, maybe nostalgic is not the most apt word, coz when i say old, i mean like 10years ago, which meant the era of the early 90s, which isn't THAT way back when, but nonetheless deserves a special place in the nostalgic recesses of the minds of the babies of say '80-'85 maybe. i'm '81. not 81. '81.

just to name a few. aimee mann, REM(shiny happy people!), roxette. o man, haha i used to be crazy about them. well, i am probably getting back to really enjoying them. music never fails to give one a sense of longing and satisfaction. one of the things i really thank God for is music. the vagaries of life are most explicit when talented individuals pour out their hearts through music. melancholia, joy, ecstasy, nostalgia, longing, desire, adoration, praise.

one thing i like about music is its interesting function as a timeline.
music leaves imprints in my mind, and whenever i listen to a song i've listened to years before, i can recall the tune and say, 'hey this is like my sec 2 song la'. well, some of my 'sec 2' songs include lightning seeds, mr big, nirvana!
so i can tune in to a song and think not just about its lyrics and meaning, but also think back about what i went through during the time period when i 1st listened to that song.

i listen to nirvana's unplugged in NY and i think back on when i 1st picked up the guitar.

whatz on the playlist: aimee mann - that's just what you are.

2005-06-09T01:07:00.000+08:00

life is filled with struggles. and i guess we will never taste the sweetness of life without the bitterness. but there comes a point when u find yourself being able to weather through the bitterness, because life has numbed you.

yet, the real struggle is being able find someone who understands you. when your thoughts are nothing less than a web of complexities, you know that not many can empathise with you but God.

and so it goes..

2005-06-08T12:03:00.000+08:00

Lord in all my lamentations

I realise that in my feeble human strength I falter badly,

because I cannot find a way out of the situation for myself.

In dire straits I see all the evil thoughts and ungodly reactions surfacing,

and i feel nothing but shame and helplessness.

Yet, with the intellectual faculties You've most graciously blessed me with,

I come to realise that this is where the climax of the story

of true love and grace is manifested.

This is where Your love and grace can manifest itself in my life,

for Your strength is made perfect in my weakness.

I remain uncertain and anxious about what may come.

In fact, sometimes i really don't wish to face it,

but i pray that regardless of all my emotional turmoil,

You will take my every thought, word and deed captive.

Do not let me stumble, or worse still, stumble another,

but let my faith be proved genuine

that it may result in praise, glory and honour for You.

2005-06-07T22:22:00.000+08:00

im back. back to the greater part of life i've been part of. back to life which i relish once again. (not that life was not relished in berkeley). yet, it strikes me how i could be back so quick, so soon. yes the flight was almost 20hours. but stepping outta san fran felt like it was an instant before i touched soil 9000miles away. singapore soil.

it felt like an abrupt end to a short but memorable stint, and in a flash i was back to where i was. i soon found myself zooming back into the scheme of things here, as though the past 5 mths were just a blank fog. well, it's good to be back, and the body can instantly adjust to changes in this instance, notwithstanding jetlag. but sometimes the heart takes abit of time to adjust. so when there are many changes happening, one could imagine how the heart is gonna handle everything.

things have happened within the past 5 mths that made me realise, in totality, that there were reasons for me to be away. yet, my heart is often unwilling to settle to the supposed greater good of it all. sometimes i asked myself, what if i was back. what if... yea, it can make us go crazy sometimes, knowing that the subject of the 2 potentially heartwrenching words would definitely have been possible.

I can't meet
Losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomorrow morning
I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow
I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

somewhere in between by Lifehouse

2005-05-23T22:03:00.000+08:00

whatever can go wrong will go wrong. of all times, i had to fall sick when i was to board a plane (actually 2 planes) to NY. The flight didn't help at all, coz it took a total of 8 1/2 hrs including transit to get from oakland to NY, so by the time i touched down at la guardia airport, i was feeling really sick. i was thinking to myself, what was i gonna do in my current state.

nonetheless, when i was really touched by the great hospitality lavished on me by andy's relatives. it made my stay in NY much more memorable. they insisted that i take medication from their small medicine cupboard to curb the flu, help myself to nice home cooked dumpling soup. man, on hindsight, my little gift to them was definitely just a token in comparison to what they gave me.

such hospitality cannot but be godsent.

2005-05-20T15:25:00.000+08:00

2005-05-20T10:11:00.000+08:00

It's come down to this. the exams are all in the bag, but suddenly, frenzy erupts once more, as packing has to start. Can't believe I'll be moving out on sat morning, and probably never stepping in Ihouse again? well, packing is never fun, and there's this built in tendency to always underestimate the amount of stuff that one has to pack, and the tendency to overestimate the gigantic suitcase's ability to accommodate all the barang barang. When you realise how much there is to fit into the few bags u have, you'd start looking thru the rubble and wish that you didn't bring all that junk.=P

managed to fit everything, but there's still NY, and shipping books tomorrow. not sure how much it's gonna come up to...darn.

not much time left here. gotta seize the day more than ever.

it's darn weird. they stringently check your ID when u wanna use your debit card. but they don't check your ID when you're taking the exams.

whatz on the playlist: horse with no name by america

2005-05-19T01:25:00.000+08:00

some people say that the hardest thing is to speak your mind.

I do find it even harder when u are unable to.

2005-05-18T07:45:00.000+08:00

I don't know whether anyone has already claimed the saying that the more you explore the outside, to more it draws you to the inside of yourself.

well, these 5months have been an enriching and probably once in a lifetime experience for me. The journey has taken me not just on a physical road trip, but on a cultural one as well. I've made friends that live thousands of miles away from me, and it is the vast differences in our attitudes and values that can astound me sometimes. but beyond that, the vast similarities amongst us are what astound me even more, and within that commonality i do find that sense of being part of the world community, the sense that God has put me here for a specific purpose.

aside the friendships and fun, I've been discovering more about myself even as i immerse myself in a truly international culture. reflection has impressed upon me many things and perspectives which i never considered. amongst these things is the yearning to come home. and it can't be more timely than to dawn on me weeks before I'm bound on an SQ flight home. in fact, one of things i've been reflecting on is how i used to dream of studying overseas as the ultimate of ambitions, and how wonderful and rosy things are gonna be. It still is my dream, and it still is good, but it isn't as wonderful and rosy as i thought it'd be. coming here has made me realise how much home is a part of my heart, and thus the desire to come back. there are many things that have made me realise how fortunate i am to be a singaporean. it's something that many singaporeans don't appreciate because of the apparently stifling atmosphere of the small city. yea i do agree that some aspects of the small island are 'stifling', and it does get on my nerves. but there are gd reasons for the apparently stifling atmosphere, and well, maybe some knowledge in politics can help illuminate one's understanding of those gd reasons.

don't get me wrong. I'm not regretting my decision to come here. I found every moment here worthwhile, and it has given me new perspectives to alot about life. furthermore, there've been things that have happened within these 5mths that have made me realise that I was probably put here for a reason, and at the same time made me reconsider my conviction about certain things.

there are gd reasons for me to go back. and whether they are really gd will only be made known to me once I'm back.

mind your language

2005-05-17T08:04:00.000+08:00

it was the 1st monday morning in the semester where i could get up late. well, ok, not very late, but at the relatively late time of 920am, just in time for the breakfast table, which closed at 930am.

yasemin reminded us that it was our last breakfast in ihouse... on a monday. that leaves us with 5 last breakfasts left.

having breakfast with chloe, yasemin, marianne, shawn and feli, we somehow got to the topic of singlish, and marianne was mentioning how she couldn't believe that we singaporeans were speaking english when we were speaking in our singaporean accents. it was funny looking back at our little scrabble game back during the ihouse retreat, and marianne was thinking how shawn and i probably can't play it because of lack of english proficiency.

breakfast anecdotes of a cross cultural kind.

then there was my brief chinese lesson from chloe on the way back from church yesterday. i was being engaged in one of the most daunting challenges of my 5months here, and possibly of my life:
A conversation in chinese.

needless to say, i shan't reiterate the immensity of that task in the context of my mental capacities. nonetheless, it was good to get back to my roots for that moment. or at least, a portion of my roots.

2005-05-16T11:19:00.000+08:00

Things i should have brought with me to Berkeley:
1. i-Trip (road trip essential)
2. 1 more cap
3. scissors to cut my hair
4. blank cds
5. more green tea sachets
6. more coffee sachets
7. a suit
8. backpacker's haversack

Things I shouldn't have brought with me to Berkeley
1. too many tshirts
2. too many shoes
3. too many jeans
4. biscuits
5. trolley bag
6. singlet

2005-05-15T08:00:00.000+08:00

2005-05-15T07:10:00.000+08:00

During BMT..
In Israel, they make you run after your meal until you puke.
In Singapore, they make you do area cleaning after your meal.

2005-05-14T01:23:00.000+08:00

I got out of bed this morning with the same edginess of heart that I always feel on the last day of exams, or just before checking exam results. but guess what, today ain't the last day of exams, nor was I gonna check exam results.

It's only the 1st day of exams, and yet I feel as though it's over. feeling this anxious high, from the prospect of saying farewells next week, to going NY, to the prospect of coming home soon.

hang in there.

2005-05-13T15:06:00.000+08:00

The Campanile, Berkeley

2005-05-13T15:01:00.000+08:00

pleasure was all mine

Singapore O Singapore..

2005-05-12T11:00:00.000+08:00

one of the many viewpoints i hear of from foreigners here in the US is the perception of Singapore being a 'sort of dictatorship'. stronger comments would label Singapore as 'a dictatorship', which I do disagree with.

Yet, in as much as I feel proud of being Singaporean, especially in a foreign land where I have the golden opportunity to share what Singapore and being Singaporean is all about, I do feel that tinge of unjustified sentiment when I read about Singaporeans being clamped upon because of certain actions that are deemed to have crossed the ever so elusive 'OB markers' of the lion city. In particular, I'm referring to the case of the Singaporean student studying in the US, who was forced to shut down his blog after he criticised some of the policies of A*star with regards to its scholarship scheme, as well as that of the Singaporean freelance film maker who did a flim on opposition politician Chee Soon Juan but was commanded by the authorities to withdraw the film from the Singapore International Film Festival.

Many outsiders have a problem with Singapore being governed by the same party for the past 40years, because they claim it to be against the precepts of a democracy (in the 1st place, what kind of democracy are you talking about, and some of these critics themselves come from countries that have questionable democratic credentials). To me, it's not a problem if there aren't other capable parties who are able to rise up to the challenge of governing a rapidly growing nation that is fast reaching 1st world status. in this instance, you certainly can't blame the dominant party for being where it is. It has proven itself worthy of being competent of governing the country, and thus it should.

Nonetheless, is it within the context of a modern globalised world to clamp down on activities and aesthetic pursuits which attempt to feature the other side of the fence, to give Singaporeans a different taste of an otherwise politically neutral landscape? there has been talk about Singapore opening up, economically and technologically, no doubt. yet, are these 2 aspects the only barometers of whether a country is opening up? Life is certainly much more multi-faceted and complex than that, and I venture to say no.

The government wants to empower Singaporeans, and to give them a say in their lives, to make them feel that they can make a difference, which i agree is very possible in a small country like ours. The ruling party has built a nation which has big goals, and has surpassed many much more immense countries in terms of economic status and per capita income. Furthermore, it has built a comprehensive education system aimed towards nurturing generations of well-educated Singaporeans who are exhorted to be creative and diligent in their work, and who are able to think big and 'out of the box'.

Yet, from these 2 cases, it seems that everytime some individuals do think out of the box, they are forced back into the box. One could say, well, you are supposed to think out of the box in all areas, except in the area of politics. Then my question is, is that really 'thinking out of the box'?

If Singaporeans are to be empowered and to have a say in their lives, and to be able to make a difference, the powers that be who set out this goal for Singapore have to realise that people's lives are not just economic and social, but political as well. To let people really have a say implies letting them have a say in the economic, social and political. not just 2. It's not like the economic trilemma of monetary policy, free capital flows and fixed exchange rates, where a country can only have a combination of 2, not all 3.

One concern for Singapore is political continuity, and one of the barriers to ensuring this is the current situation where Singaporeans have become politically neutral, precisely because they haven't been given a say in the realm of politics. The various regulations that have ensured this 'out of bounds' mentality, including those which the abovementioned flimmaker is clashing with now, have instilled a certain kind of fear and indifference within the minds and hearts of many Singaporeans, who just take for granted that the government will always be there for them, providing the economic goods and infrastructure. When you have politically indifferent Singaporeans, it's small wonder that political continuity becomes a concern.

I think, aside these incidents, the government has done a good job in steering the country towards high income status, and Singaporeans can consider ourselves to be very fortunate in an uncertain world where poverty and strife still loom. Nonetheless, if Singapore really wants to open up, and get its citizens empowered and thinking 'out of the box', they mustn't have the fear of getting out of the box in the 1st place.

2005-05-12T02:39:00.000+08:00

How would you react if you had the chance to visit a national park that was bigger than the whole of Singapore? well, mere size may astound, but not amaze. But if that national park was yosemite, you'd better be amazed. I was, and there isn't even a tinge of regret in making the rather last minute decision to visit yosemite on the weekend just before the start of exams.

This will not be a long entry because of how wonderful Yosemite is, because sheer words cannot describe the beauty and awe-inspiring nature of the weather carved landscapes. Stopping the car at the viewing spot of the great valley encompassing among many other peaks, El Capitan & Half Dome, I was rapt in the magnificence of it all, which cannot but bear impeccable testament to God's mighty Hand.

And the giant sequioas, of which the king of them all would be the giant grizzly, which is estimated to be around 2700years old. sure makes a helluva tree. on the surface, strong thick trunk, and immensely tall structure would suggest an almost invincible tree resistant to weather, insects and disease. rightly so. yet, its one weakness is its shallow roots, which may spread out to about 250 feet from the trunk centre, but only stretch down 5-8feet underground. THis is the one aspect that has led to the downfall of many apparently strong stalwarts of the wawona forest trail.

They look strong on the outside, but the topsoil conceals an unexpected weakness.

Foundations are just about everything. can't do without it. yet they are often concealed and outta the limelight.

2005-05-11T04:14:00.000+08:00

2005-05-11T03:53:00.000+08:00

2005-05-09T14:22:00.000+08:00

2005-05-02T14:48:00.000+08:00

In Singapore, you have AC vs RJ
In California, you have Berkeley vs Stanford

we made a trip to Stanford and Garvesh was in his blue and yellow Berkeley tee (don't those 2 colours ring a bell?=P), so it was really quite humorous how we were getting stares and comments as we walked in a group around the campus, which is much more 'atas' in comparison to Berkeley.

'You are really brave to wear that here..'

'Bears huh...'(the berkeley mascot is the Golden Bear)

2005-04-29T14:45:00.000+08:00

There are 2 kinds of people in this world.

one, would be those who say to God 'Thy will be done'.

The other, would be those to whom God says, 'Ok, fine...thy will be done.'

C.S. Lewis

2005-04-28T06:01:00.000+08:00

I don't get the logic of daylight saving. It was somehow decided that somewhere in april, time will just go forward by 1 hour at the stroke of midnight on the daylight saving day. and somewhere in oct, time will be go back by 1 hour, to reverse the fast forwarding of time by 1 hour earlier in the year

People tend to be absentminded sometimes, and i won't be surprised if there is an especially high incidence of people being late for appointments somewhere in the middle of april.

or let's say daylight saving ends on oct 31, that at the stroke of midnight, time goes back by 1 hour. so right after hitting midnight, we go back to 11pm. so, if one were to make an appointment on oct 31 at 11pm, one had better specify which 11pm..

2005-04-25T07:30:00.000+08:00

on friday, i rushed out of my room and raced toward the lift to make it in time for Bible study at Barrows hall. As i reached the lift in my hurried state, the person who was already waiting for the lift smiled at me and asked where i was rushing off to, and i told him that i was rushing for Bible study. Upon hearing my response, his smile seemed to fade, and he turned from looking at me to looking towards the lift door, with a soft, 'O' response. Nonetheless, I subsequently extended my hand to introduce myself, and when we entered the lift, we engaged in small chat. just before the elevator reached the floor i was going to exit to, i asked him what he was doing research in, and he mentioned ecology, environment, and evolution, at the end of which he added that 'he supposed i didn't believe in.'
as i was exiting to get to 'm'-floor, i just smiled at him, apologised for my haste, and rushed down towards Barrows.

Life is short, play hard. Play hard, and life will feel short

2005-04-24T15:51:00.000+08:00

In less than 2 months, I will be homebound, which is a wonderful yet startling thought. Wonderful coz I'm certainly looking forward to coming back to Spore, to be back with the aspects of life which I really treasure. Yet, it is startling to know that I could distinctly remember trudging out of the plane with my bags, towards the BART that would take me to Berkeley, and I could vouch with utmost conviction that it sure feels just like a few weeks back.

Time spent here has immersed me into experiences which I could never hope for elsewhere, and granted me lessons which will stay with me for a long time to come. It's been an estatic ride, one that would probably never come my way again in life, (or at least, I shouldn't be too optimistic to hope for one more chance at it) yet there have been bumps and grinds, and they have taken me through moments of contemplation and reflection. I'm still in the process of this ride, and I won't know the outcome of it for sure, but I can be sure that I will emerge bolder to face what lies ahead.

2005-04-18T13:09:00.000+08:00

I am the woman at the well, I am the harlot
I am the scattered seed that fell along the path
I am the son that ran away
And I am the bitter son that stayed

My God, my God why hast though accepted me
When all my love was vinegar to a thirsty King?
My God, my God why hast though accepted me
It's a mystery of mercy and the song, the song I sing

Mystery of Mercy by Caedmon's Call

2005-04-14T04:48:00.000+08:00

Cat & mouse..
A tribute to Euphy. man, i miss this fella. his yanking when he's hungry. his laziness when full, or just having him greet me everytime i come home.

A Primer on Life

2005-04-08T09:43:00.000+08:00

my qualms about life are few
for God has always blessed me anew
with joy and vigor i seize the day
firm in spirit i shall never sway

to put my experiences in words
is to do less than fair justice towards
the infinite facets of a colourful life
spurring me to face reality and take a dive

yet the one state i dread
is when life feels like a falling thread
swept by the howling winds of life
placed within a sullen state of strife

amidst the raging storm i never fail to find
head and heart in perpetual battle consign
i plead to flee the insurmountable turmoil
not wanting to be involved in the broil

emotions rage like the mighty ocean
no one understands but He who is over creation
i run to Him with cries of desperation
to find solace and divine consolation

if there were many lessons in life
prime for me would be to strive
toward the propensity to reconcile
heart and head wholly to a smile

2005-04-07T02:51:00.000+08:00

And I'd give up forever to touch you

Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

Cause sooner or later it's over

I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

from 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls

2005-04-04T02:18:00.000+08:00

Music is a big enigma. It has the capacity to stir emotions and warm hearts. it gives hope. it gives hopeless melancholia. yet, it doesn't have any logical rationale to. or does it? granted, one may capture the meaning of the lyrics, to appreciate the meaning of the song. one may be an avid fan of the songwriter, and know the person's underlying emotions behind the song. yet, if one takes away lyrics, takes away the knowledge of who wrote the song, the tune's capacity to stir one's heart and memories remains.

The art which combines mathematical elegance and meticulous combinations of notes has been mentioned countless times in the Bible, especially in the Psalms, where the Psalmist exhorts the reader to worship the Lord in joyful song, or with trumpets and tambourines, or in any other way which suggests the intrinsic use of music. This tradition was in fact carried on by David, the man 'after God's own heart'.

yet, music does have its associations with evil, where lucifer, former archangel, was the angel in charge of music. he was like the chief worship leader in God's palace. and true enough, in our world today, music can be light or heavy, soothing or energising, good or evil.

such an all-encompassing art, which remains to be fully comprehended in terms of how it is able to touch the depths of one's heart, reflects it's attribution to only a divine Creator, one who in giving us free will, presented to us nothing less than perfection in music, and allowing us to use it within the boundless possibilities of free will, so much so that creativity has been allowed to spawn in music, and produce impeccable pieces of melody and song. but in case of the fallen worship leader, the lesson revealed was that boundless creativity can cause an individual's downfall.

what the heck, i could never go without music man!

2005-04-02T15:43:00.000+08:00

In a world of perpetual uncertainty, one of the certainties that intrinsically remain is the concept of experience. every moment, we experience what happens around us. we experience what others do and say. we experience what life throws at us. to say that we cannot at any point be not thinking about anything, is akin to saying that experiences are continual.

Consequently, it's hard to imagine how we can not be influenced and shaped by our experiences, which are in essence, a perpetual aspect of our lives. Nonetheless, they are such an inseperable component of our beings that they are sometimes subconsciously ignored. God created us with a most effective arsenal of reactive and coping mechanisms - our emotions - which are, needless to say, closely tied to our experiences. emotions help us to enjoy and appreciate the experiences, locking them into the recesses of our finite memories. nonetheless, they can also put us down to the very depths of melancholia and depression in the darkest moments, and these are probably the moments where our faiths are tested to the core.

Needless to say, being robbed of our emotions robs us of our ability to appreciate, to treasure, and to fathom. So there is strong reason to be thankful for them, despite the fact that they often conflict with what our heads tell us.

Experiences are out there for us to seize, and certainty of experience conceals the uncertainty of what can come out of the experience. we never know the end point of what we go through(en route to heaven of coz) until we get there, and to some that may be a cause to avoid what life's road has to offer. yet, to that same circumstance i say that the adventure of life lies in those uncertainties, in as much as most of us are correctly assumed by economics textbooks to be risk averse.

Every experience is a lesson learnt, and to embrace that is a big step towards fully appreciating the experiences that God has in store for us. to fully appreciate those experiences is to fully appreciate life. yet to fully appreciate those experiences requires us to grab hold of the golden opportunities(sometimes opportunity) at the opportune time.

They may come only once, so i wouldn't wanna miss any lest I fall into the one undesirable experience in life: regret.

Thank God it's Good Friday

2005-03-26T15:01:00.000+08:00

If there were gd reasons to come to michigan, one of them would be that I had the blessing of being at a wonderful service on Gd Fri.

there is no greater reassurance than to be reminded of Jesus' work on the cross, on the day where our debts were paid for.

tangible items come at a price, and a cost.

salvation comes at no price, but at infinite cost. the blood of Jesus.

"I have brought You glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in Your presence with the glory i had with You before the world began"
John 17:4,5

2005-03-24T14:52:00.000+08:00

9hours on a bus bound north back to berkeley. and boy was i exhausted from the long ride on the greyhound. nonetheless, it was a wonderful time i had road trippin to monterey, carmel, san diego, and LA.

pity i was only able to stay in LA for a day, since i had to come back to berkeley to catch a flight from san fran to michigan the next morning. and of all days, the 2nd rainiest day in the recent history of LA had to occur on the one day i spent in LA.. talk about murphy's law. i figured i wasn't gonna waste it away, so i made every minute of being in hollywood count.
visited the kodak theatre, the venue of the oscars. As resplendent as it was, i took notice of the pillars that lined the main entrance of the theatre. (ie. where the red carpet is usually laid for the likes of tom hanks, julia roberts, russell crowe and gang to saunter up towards their ego boosting seats)
on these pillars were engraved the best movie of each year, going all the way back to 1939, when gone with the wind garnered this accolade. what was interesting was that spaces were left for future years, 2006 all the way til 2050 and probably beyond.
it just struck me how the mentality of the architect or designer was. it exhibited a sense of being sure that the building was going to be the way it is 50 years down the road. a sense of being sure that life was going to go on 50 years from now. yet, can we be really sure that things are gonna be that way in time to come?

"The song came and went like the times that we spent
Hiding out from the rain under the carnival tent
I laughed and she’d smile
It would last for awhile
You don’t know what you got till you lose it all again"

Mandolin Rain by Bruce Hornsby

2005-03-13T18:14:00.001+08:00

Raw Democracy

San Francisco never fails to capture the entirety of picturesque creativity. Every district has it's own unique flavour. There is downtown with its rustic cosmopolitan setting. Chinatown which transports me back to Asia. Haight and Ashbury with it's quintessential hippie culture. ...'all u need is love...'

one of the highlights of the day would be the walk thru haight ashbury. 1st stop was this buy-sell record store. the main items on retail were records, not CDs. Man, to go in was to literally step back into the 60's-70's. The Beatles, Joni Mitchell, Boney M, Deep Purple, Credence Clearwater Revival, Michael Jackson(when he was still black).. the list goes on. Just too bad i don't have a turntable at home, to be able to listen to these items of a yester-era, if not they would have certainly been a gd buy.

I was just thinking about why items/icons/ symbols of the past always seem to appeal so much more than those of our current period, so much so that these paraphernalia have been affectionately labelled 'retro'. has it always been the case? if so, does it imply that in the 50's, people looked to the 30's-40's as retro; in the 70's, 50's-60's; in the 2000's, 80's?
could very well be a case of a time lag effect in the absorption of tastes into our cultural and intellectual palates.

Best buy: Levi's 517 vintage 2nd hand for US$14. Bagus la!

Wats on the PlaYliSt: Fourplay

2005-03-13T18:14:00.000+08:00

Raw Vintage

2005-03-11T12:16:00.000+08:00

a random snapshot of my small & messy desk

'To be able to look back upon one's past life with satisfaction is to live twice.'
Marcus Valerius Martial

Amidst the hustle and bustle of student life here, away from family and friends, it has been a time of reflection, reminiscence, and retrospect. 2mths have gone by so quickly, where on the one hand, I wish that my time here would never go away. at the same time, i miss the many small joys from the comforts of home, from the company of family and friends. And having said that, I am confident of having a great year, 2005. Coming to Berkeley was one of the best decisions I've made, and I will have no regrets, and I'm sure going back in june would be an equally satisfying prospect, which would make me ever more cherish life back home as well. This is a place where I could stay for maybe 1,2,3 years, but Spore will always be home, for various uniquely Singaporean reasons.

siaannnnn..... soundcard is still down.can't reinstall... miss my mp3s... songs on ipod are getting stale..

Whatz on the PlaYLisT: Brian Culbertson

A Great Week

2005-03-07T05:16:00.000+08:00

it was a great weekend indeed. Having Kev, Morgan and frens from Mich to pop by in the Bay area was a pleasant surprise. Spent the weekend with them in the heart of San Fran's shopping district. Union Square! NIketown, Gap, Shoe pavilion, Macy's, Victoria's secret(for the gals la..), and of coz, shopping never goes without good food. the call of the weekend was cheesecake factory, and dim sum in SF chinatown!

well, cheesecake factory was just crazy. imagine having to wait 2 1/2 hours for a seat inside what to me is an overhyped eatery. nonetheless, i gotta admit that i was a sucker for the cheesecake. Thank God for the option of takeout. Absolutely fantabulous is how i would aptly label the decadent pastries.

it was also satisfying that i managed to drive, albeit for a short while, along the streets of san fran. felt really weird, taking the wheel on the left side for the 1st time, and to always be on the right side of the road. everything was jus flipped upside down from what i've been used to in spore. and i am really thankful for spore's efficient and clearly marked roads. boy, when u haf tram lines and all sorts of markers on the road, u can't help but get confused for the 1st time. but it was great for that short moment nonetheless. wld love to take the wheel on a road trip soon.

sausalito was on the agenda after san fran, but our potentially majestic view from the mountain range across the Pacific was greatly diminished by the rain. darn, it sure dampened our spirits for a moment.

the new week came, and it was back to the books once again. just cleared 4 graded assignments for the week, and awaiting 4 midterms in this coming week. well, that's more than my mental faculties can take in one fell swoop, so a couple of us decided to catch a college basketball game. Washington Grizzlies VS Cal Bears. would've been 25 bucks(which wouldn't have been worth it considering the scoreline), but my very nice neighbour Jose lent me his season tic.

it was great being in a basketball stadium that was quite close to what u wld get at an NBA game, and to catch all the fanfare from the big band and cheerleaders, pre game. Nonetheless, the game was quite a disappointment, coz it was rather one sided most of the time. Washington was basically having 3 point shooting practice on CAl's court, and the worse thing was, most of those 'practice' shots went in. in fact, the Grizzlies led by as much as 40 points, midway into the 2nd half.

i found it quite amusing how Cal was 30plus points behind, and when they did a 4-0 run thanks to 2 slam dunks from their centre forward, the crowd burst into cheer, as though Cal had jus won the championship. they were still 30plus points behind. but ok la, it's the strong camaraderie. gotta hand it to them=)

the 4 midterms are still lingering ahead. can't wait for spring break. road trippin!

2005-03-05T12:45:00.000+08:00

this tree on campus reminds me of the tree on the front cover of purpose driven life!

HAPPY FOUNDERS' DAYS TO ALL ACSIANS!!!!

2005-03-02T13:43:00.000+08:00